4 Ways to Start Healing from a Toxic Parent
Hi Beautiful,
Firstly, I want you to know, that you are special and that making the right choices to put yourself first and start your healing is amazing.
It's a great start.
Take it from me the process is a journey, one that goes up and down and you can get really upset one minute and feel amazing and overcome the next. No matter what we can't stop, we have to push forward and choose our happiness.
So how did I start my healing from a narcissistic mother?
I started my healing
I can say that I am in a great place and it started with me choosing myself. I really wanted better for myself and those around me, so I chose to take it one moment at a time and keep working on it until my happiness overrides any issues or negative emotions.
Believe in yourself
For a long time, I didn't believe in myself.
I felt like I wasn't worth much and I didn't deserve anything and this way of thinking really broke me down and take over my mind. I was super shy and had the worst insecurities and one day I just looked in the mirror around 18/19; I had had enough and decided no more. No more putting myself in this imaginary box of guilt, insecurity or even mistreating myself by not going for the things I wanted because I was occupied with pessimistic thoughts. I gained my confidence again by speaking to myself, telling myself what I liked about myself and I started focusing on the things I wanted to do, wear, say, watch and so on. I put myself first.
I started to look for what God also said about me - His child - and started applying it to my everyday life.
"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you"
1 Peter 5:7
Create boundaries
I've been there, where I've allowed one too many people to say or do something or even change what I say and I've sat in bed thinking why?! how?!
I've learned from each situation to not allow myself to get sucked into other people's quite frankly nonsense. When it came to my mother, I chose not to communicate as much especially when I left home because it would just cause emotional turmoil for me during and after. I wouldn't stop thinking about it and it would give me stomach aches and headaches. It took me a while to realise that I was getting ill over it and once I realised I chose to be in control and create boundaries. If I was in a really great place or mood then I decided if I was going to communicate with my mother or family, I reduced the amount of contact I had with them for example, going to visit them not the other way around so if I felt uncomfortable I could get up and leave.
I also spoke up for myself more toward my mother, at first it was coming outlined with pain, however as time went on and I learned to forgive and focus on myself standing up for myself sounded more empowering than combative.
Have some space
Self-care is important. yep! Take care of yourself on every level.
Whilst living at home I had things to keep me busy, hobbies and so on. I did not want to always be around my mother especially when she was having one of her 'moods, so I kept busy or played with my siblings a lot. 'The worst thing is to let your mood shift all the way down and start thinking bad about yourself or why things are happening. This is not your fault! Please understand that the way a narcissistic mother behaves is about them.
In life in general, self-care is a huge deal.
Stay positive
The best I did was focus on all the positives about me and my life at any given moment, this is important in the healing process. Healing from the trauma of parental heartbreak starts with you taking that step in your mind to choose happiness. With me, I've never received an apology and it might take forever and a day for it, if I rely on that I will cause myself pain without any room for healing.
I've learned to forgive.
There is no point in going back and forth with anyone who does not want to understand you and is always negative and combative.
The best I did was focus on all the positives about me and my life at any given moment, this is important in the healing process. Healing from the trauma of parental heartbreak starts with you taking that step in your mind to choose happiness. With me, I've never received an apology and it might take forever and a day for it, if I rely on that I will cause myself pain without any room for healing.
I Can Move Forward
Those are the 4 steps I took in healing and I feel so much better for it, it has taken some years but has been so worth the time and effort in making my life better. I pray for strength and covering each day and rely on God to solve this mystery of toxic parents. All I can do is move forward and enjoy my life.
Loving yourself starts with loving yourself and leading with God.
If you are dealing with any issues and would love to talk, feel free to send a message. I would love to connect with you.
Be Beautiful and Choose Happiness x
